The Bereavement Support Service Blog
Bereavement Blog number three
All the difficult feelings come flooding in. Raw, agonising and seemingly beyond our control, any and every manifestation of human emotional pain makes its impact on us. Think of a negative emotion and it's likely to manifest in this next 'stage' of grief. Again this is completely natural and even when we feel we are going insane we need to hang on tight to the knowledge that we are not.
As I wrote at the beginning it is a normal experience to wish we were dead too and to feel to some degree or another the black dog of depression snapping at our heels. We may have all kinds of physical sensations and pain. These symptoms are very real and a reflection of how closely intertwined are the physical and the emotional. This is a stage in which to be especially kind to ourselves. Try to look for and accept help from those who can give it either professionally or as supportive friends and if you know it is more than you can safely bear alone please, please do not try to deal with it alone.
At some stage or another the practical impact of your loss will become more acute. Your future has changed and that can have so many worries of its own. Finances may be difficult, you may have to move, learn new skills for every day living or seek out new friends.
According to this way of looking at bereavement and loss as a series of stages, we eventually, over time, are able to reinvest in life at last. We have scars but the wounds are healing to some extent.
I have condensed all this considerably and as I write I am aware, as I always have been when, in the past I have taught this model to various professionals, that it has some major flaws.
Firstly we do not all experience our personal journey as this describes it.
Secondly we might find that although we can identify with the stages they are all mixed up, coming and going only to return with all their previous fury just when we feel we might be moving on a little bit.
I think it is very important to recognise this variation in experiences.
And thirdly just knowing the 'stages and phases of loss' does not in itself help us to cope with them. That requires a deeper exploration and some interventions which I won't deal with now as I feel I have written more than enough for any reader to take in. I'm sorry it has been a bit heavy today but I assume that anyone reading to the end does so because they are interested
If that is you please remember that we would love to hear from you. All of you, the often very private grieving people of Heacham, are always in our thoughts and prayers. Our bereavement group is in the Church Hall on the High Street every third Friday of the month from 10am to 12.
There will always be a welcome for you there.
Make contact with us at the Bereavement Support Service, via email, firstname.lastname@example.org or phone us, Barbara or Renee on 01485 534741 or contact us via the web site.
If you have questions, comments, opinions, please write. We would love to hear from you and we will be submitting more short 'blogs' in which we would very much like to talk about the things that you are concerned about.
Whoever you are God knows you and although you might be nameless to us, as we pray for you, which we do, your name and the name of your loved one is held in our Father's keeping.