The Bereavement Support Service Blog
The question of how to get started when writing about bereavement is, initially, a tiny reflection of how to support those who are bereaved. What can I write that will properly express support in any meaningful way in such devastating circumstances as this; the death of someone you love?
It has struck me how weird life is at the beginning of the journey we call grief. How we seem to be taken over by a form of remote control, an automatic pilot which steers us through the first few days, maybe for much longer than that. Is this how it has felt for you? You might have had moments of strange detachment. Why aren't I crying? How can I just be carrying on; numb through and through and yet organising, arranging, even comforting others?
It seems that this is our body's way of ensuring that we survive the un-survivable as a thick blanket of detachment is placed between us and the reality of our loss.
But then we begin to become much less detached. The 'blanket' is peeled off, as painful as the stripping off of raw sore skin and we are standing in the face of real naked emotions.
Is this where you are at the moment? May I suggest something. Talk to someone. If you are able, share with someone you trust who will not repeat what you have said, or 'prayerfully gossip' about you. Try to allow yourself to really talk about what has happened. This could be with a friend or even a stranger. You might think that surely you should be able to share how you feel with your closest family members. To some degree this is true but they too are grieving and we all grieve very differently. Also you may well hold back your feelings to protect others, put your own heartache on a back burner so to speak, for their sake. The danger of this is that you may never get to a position where you feel able to allow yourself the space you need to grieve as you deserve.
Although I have written as if this is an early experience in the weeks and months after the death of your loved person, in fact it is impossible to put any 'time' to it at all. Usually it is soon after the event but might easily be months or even years later and what I would like to encourage anyone who can identify with this to do is find someone to talk to.
Some people of course just cannot share their feelings in this way. They feel, for all sorts of reasons, that travelling alone on this journey is necessary for them. However if this is you, you might be willing to go as far as talking briefly, literally or by email etc, about what you think might help you. You never know. It might help.
Make contact with us at the Bereavement Support Service, via email, email@example.com or phone us, Barbara or Renee on 01485 534741 or contact us via the web site.
If you have questions, comments, opinions, please write. We would love to hear from you and we will be submitting more short 'blogs' in which we would very much like to talk about the things that you are concerned about.
Whoever you are God knows you and although you might be nameless to us, as we pray for you, which we do, your name and the name of your loved one is held in our Father's keeping.